Kink Tolerance

This is not going to be the post that I set out for it to be. Mostly because I’ve noticed something about the kink community lately. This could just be my experience but I’ve noticed a lot of kink intolerance. Now I didn’t consider myself kinky until I started talking about fetishes, kink, and other fun things. Turns out I am definitely not the norm, not that I’ve ever been what you would call normal.

Within the fetish community, there are a vast variety of people with an even more vast variety of likes and dislikes. Since they are all into interesting sexual practices, you would think they would be tolerant of each other.


The truth is many who have a specific kick such as rope bondage may actually shame (kink shaming is a big no no for me) someone who likes metal bondage or device bondage. Or when someone likes golden showers they might shame someone whose kink is feet. When I realized this I pretty much figured out that people will shame each other for just about anything.

This somehow shocks me. It is absolutely amazing that the kinky population would do this. Here’s a hint to all of the kink shamers out there. Guess what, almost everyone has some kind of kink, something they enjoy that is not vanilla. Learn to live with it.

Male Masturbation

If the dom is male then and the sub is female, the dom can tell the sub to purchase, make, and use the items on him. This can be fun, exciting, or used as a punishment or humiliation exercise.

If the dom is female and the sub is male, the dom can either use these for a reward or humiliation.

The key here is to use A LOT of lubricant and make absolutely sure there are no rough edges.

These also can be used if you are apart frequently.

  • Wrap a pearl necklace around his penis and then use your hand to masturbate him.
  • Use a lubricated glove or plastic bag on him.
  • Banana masturbation device – cut an end off, take the fruit out and pour lubricant into the peel.
  • PVC pipe – purchase PVC that is above the size of his penis, make sure there are no sharp edges and use it.
  • Cup and sponges – if you like a little roughness, just remember to wet the sponges with either warm or cold water.
  • Cup and bubble wrap – line a cup or cut off water bottle (remember no sharp edges) with bubble wrap and lubricant.

There are more, and if you have any others feel free to comment them below. Also, remember anything that you put a penis into needs to be big enough not to get stuck. Keep in mind penises swell quite a bit. It is unpleasant to have to go to the hospital to remove something. Keep in mind NO SHARP EDGES AND LOTS OF LUBRICANT.

The Chore Game Dice Game

As noted in an earlier post, chores are a pain and not the good kind. This game is suitable for both vanilla and BDSM couples. Vanillas just take out the more umm intense portions of the game and substitute them for an alternative that you are comfortable with. Remember all activities should be safe, sane, consensual and fully discussed ahead of time.


  • A messy house, laundry, cooking, or other boring chore.
  • Yourself and a partner
  • One or two die – dice can be 3 to 10 sided depending on how many activities or objects you want to involve.
  • A list of activities
  • A few fun ordinary foods or objects that you want to play with (See Below)
  • A timer
  • Condoms for objects that you don’t want to get dirty (Suggested for items that you do not only use for play)


The rules of the game are fairly simple.

Keep it safe

If you don’t comply he or she should have a handy list of punishments for BDSM couples. Don’t worry a spanking will do in a pinch.

For vanilla couples make a bet with something that you ordinarily don’t like to do such as cook dinner or do the dishes if you don’t comply.


  1. Select objects or foods that are insertable or otherwise make good toys (see perveratables)
  2. and/or
  3. Write a numbered list of activities such as cunnilingus, fellatio, insertion, masturbation, spanking, sex, or any other fun sexy activity you can think of.
  4. Choose who will pick out the activity or object (usually the dominant but it can be fun to have your sub pick out their own)
  5. Choose a time limit for each activity. My suggestion is around 2 to 5 minutes but it can be longer or shorter depending on the activity.
  6. While your sub is working on the given chore, interrupt them at regular intervals but rolling the dice and choosing an object or activity.


For this example, I am going to use sweeping and mopping the floor (a chore which I personally hate and can be so much more fun when the threat (eh-hem promise) of interruption is imminent.

We laid objects such as wooden spoons, spatulas, phallic-shaped fruits or vegetables. For example we had:

  1. Carrot
  2. Cucumber
  3. Spatula
  4. Whisk
  5. Banana
  6. Wooden spoon

We agreed ahead of time that the time would be two minutes and I would have to masturbate with the object that the dice roll indicated in the position that he wanted.

When the roll was a 5 a condom went on an ordinary banana and he asked me to masturbate with it while seated in a chair for two minutes. Then go back to sweeping and mopping until the next interruption.

If you do this with an activity he or she can just ask you to bend over a chair or other object and fuck you for 2 minutes or play with your body for 2 minutes.

Perverted Shopping Activity

This one is easy and can make things like grocery or other shopping fun.
Send your sub to the store with a list of things that you need (or better yet go with them so you can watch them get embarrassed by having to select things for purposes other than their mundane uses. You can find an interesting list on the pervertables section of this site.

The trick with this activity is to build up anticipation for what is going to happen when they get home.


If you go together:

  • Tell them to go get you a specific item and then tell them what you are going to use it on/for later. For example, “Honey can you please get me a cucumber about the size of my penis so I can fuck you with it later.”
  • For a more vanilla option you can pick things out for each other.
  • Pick the items yourself and walk up to them while they looking for something else put it in the cart and whisper to them what you are going to do with it later.
  • Tell them an activity you have planned later such as impact play, sensation play, edging with objects, or restraint play and ask them to pick out a few objects that you can use for the activity.

When they are shopping by themselves:

  • Give them a separate list that is labeled as the pick-up for play later list and have them purchase items on that list.
    • If you are into humiliation, you can have them pay for them separately and have them bagged separately. This is particularly appealing if all of the objects are phallic in nature.
    • If you are into extreme humiliation, you can have them ask for a clerk for each object or ask them to pick out an object to use in the bathroom (just make sure it is clean first or use a condom) This also works for a punishment idea.
  • Ask them to pick out 5 items for the type of play you plan on engaging in.
    • For example 5 items used for impact or 5 items for sensation play
  • Give them a list of types of play such as impact, sensation, restraint and have them pick out an item for each.
  • Tell them to pick out 5 items used for play without telling them a type of play and see what they come home with.

You can use this way of shopping at almost any store. Consider what fun you can have at the grocery store, discount stores, Home Depot, or even larger shopping areas such as malls.

The idea behind this is to build anticipation and follow it through with an enjoyable activity for you both.

What a BDSM Collar Means

Truth is it can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. Like many things with BDSM, every relationship is different. People will tell you that there are different classes or types of collar while others will swear that they are only for slaves.

The only thing that I can tell you is what it means to me. In some cases such as events, it can mean the protection of having someone watching out for you even if they are not in the room. In others such as a day collar it can mean a subtle constant reminder of my love and Dom.

I feel I should explain something here. My engagement ring is a symbol of our relationship aside from the D/s. A day collar symbolizes the D/s side of the relationship. It is important to note that he and I have a promise that even if the D/s side ends for whatever reason, our relationship is safe.

Hopefully my Dom will weigh in on the subject himself.

And so I shall. As my wonderful sub has stated, the collar can mean many different things to many different people. Nearly everyone involved in the BDSM lifestyle has a different take on the subject. That being said, it is my belief that a collar should not be offered lightly. I do not think of it as a fashion accessory or a symbol of station. It is, first and foremost, a promise. It symbolizes the love and responsibility that the Dom wields in regards to their sub.

By collaring a sub, the Dom has accepted that they are solely responsible for the physical, mental, and emotional well-being of their sub. This is regardless of the specific roles in their BDSM relationship. Even if they only utilize a collar for the purpose of doing a scene, or while they are in the bedroom/at home/etc., as long as the collar is being worn, the Dom must ensure the needs of their sub are met.

It is also important to mention that simply removing the collar does not absolve the Dom from these responsibilities. Especially after a scene or punishment when aftercare is definitely required. A collar should never be used as a means to get what you want without repercussions.

-Rikjandi Ulfur

BDSM reward ideas for when we are together or apart.

Although it isn’t common knowledge, my Dom and I spend a lot of time apart. Circumstances force us to conduct a long-distance and in-person lifestyle relationship. Since I am not a straight-up submissive it was important that we built rewards into our scenes and play. Some people say that being submissive and serving your Dom is reward itself but this can cause some resentment particularly when he doesn’t have the time to play with me as often as we would like or we are on different sides of the state.

Being Submissive is Sometimes Lonely

Although I would normally leave this to my Dom and my private journal, I think it is very important for all subs or littles to know that sometimes being submissive is lonely. You feel lost and afraid and all kinds of sad sometimes.

Looking up information is one way to abate the loneliness but there is so much false, fake, and just plain wrong information out there it can make things worse. It can give you the wrong idea about things or allow you to enter into a dangerous situation. I just read an article on collars that contained so much misinformation that I had to close the browser tab.

Just remember that there are a lot of us out here missing our Doms. You may be lonely but you are not alone.

List of Prevertables

Pervertables are ordinary objects used for sexual purposes. Remember to be very careful with porous objects by either using a condom or by purchasing them new and throwing them away afterward.


Almost anything may be used as an insertable but use common sense when choosing objects.

  • Avoid glass
  • Nothing with an open-end inserted like a bottle with the cap off
  • Make sure you can clean it thoroughly, get a condom around it and/or throw it away.
  • If you question if an object is safe, don’t use it.

Instertables for vaginal or anal play list:

  • Utensils with handles
  • Phallic-shaped veggies such as carrots, cucumbers, zucchini, and bananas
  • Nonphallic-shaped objects that have no sharp edges and are small enough not to cause tearing.
  • Ball bearings,
  • Balls
  • Links of chain
  • Jewelry
  • Panties
  • Pens
  • Pencils
  • Hairbrushes
  • Toothbrushes
  • Mirrors with handles
  • Candles
  • Just about anything with a handle

Impact Play

  • Hairbrushes
  • Chainlinks
  • Whisks
  • Rope
  • Belts
  • Drum sticks
  • Backscratchers
  • Wooden spoons
  • Spatulas
  • Other broad utensils
  • Longer toy squids
  • Crops and whips used on horses
  • Coat hangers
  • Rubber bands


  • Rope
  • Chain
  • Pantyhose
  • Stockings
  • Scarves
  • Ties
  • Zipties
  • Electrical cord or extension cords
  • Robe belts
  • Regular belts
  • Shirt sleeves
  • Their own clothing pulled down to trap their arms or legs
  • Halters, bridles, or other tack used in horseback riding
  • Carabiners
  • Eye hooks
  • Pet collars and leashes
  • Bungee cords


  • Chopsticks
  • Clothespins
  • Roach clips – these can be painful
  • C-clamps or bar clamps
  • Spoons or utensils
  • Rubber bands


You can use quite a few things as a gag. Be careful of things that can choke a person and metal. You don’t want to use things as a gag are too hard because it can damage your teeth.

  • Any cloth that is not small enough to fall into the back of the throat
  • Rubber balls
  • Rubber horse bits
  • Strips of leather
  • Scarves
  • Robe ties
  • Vegetables and fruits that are big enough to bite into but small enough to fit between the teeth – make sure you are careful with these because they can quickly become choking hazards.

As a side note, you don’t have to cover their mouth or make sure they can’t speak. Having them hold something in their mouth such as an ice cube or something small enough to swallow, without swallowing it or between their teeth or lips is quite effective.

Sensation Play

Like gags, there is a lot to work with here. You can use just about anything that produces a sensation. Some of our favorite non-sex toy items are:

  • Ice cubes
  • Popsicles (make sure they don’t have sugar or anything else that can cause an infection unless you are using them in the mouth)
  • Brushes or anything with bristles
  • Paintbrushes or rollers
  • Back scratchers
  • Fruits and vegetables
  • Meat shredders
  • Banjo picks
  • Anything metal that holds warm or cold sensations
  • Skewers
  • Beeswax candles (wax play – be careful what kind of candles and how you use them as well as where you use them
  • Sponges
  • Steel wool
  • Rolling pins
  • Forks, butter knives, and spoons – particularly if they can be heated or cooled
  • Gloves latex or leather
  • Fur items
  • Feathers
  • Dusters
  • Hand brooms
  • Bathgloves – great for bathing and sensation play
  • Luffas

These are just a few of the items useful in a variety of forms of play. Remember to be safe and be creative. Make sure you thoroughly clean items before and after play. You should also cover any porous or food with a condom.

If you have any other suggestions or something that has worked for you I am always open to additions to this list. Please feel free to comment them, thanks!

BDSM reward ideas for when we are together or apart.

Although it isn’t common knowledge, my Dom and I spend a lot of time apart. Circumstances force us to conduct a long-distance and in-person lifestyle relationship. Since I am not a straight-up submissive it was important that we built rewards into our scenes and play. Some people say that being submissive and serving your Dom is reward itself but this can cause some resentment particularly when he doesn’t have the time to play with me as often as we would like or we are on different sides of the state.

We came up with the idea of rewards to not only make play more fun but to help me feel wanted, needed, and cared for when he is busy. This list is a work in progress so check back often. If you have any reward ideas of your own, we are always open to comments and suggestions.

Possible Rewards

  1. Escape 1 punishment without any repercussions. Need a token or something to mark this
  2. Removal of 1 rule of your choice for 24 hours.
  3. 1 sushi dinner/lunch prepared by me. *He is an excellent chef and great at sushi
  4. 1 specially crafted dessert, made from scratch, to your liking.
  5. You may request up to 3 orgasms at any time, delivered by me, for 24 hours.
  6. You may demand the fulfillment of any 1 scene you want to do.
  7. You may demand specific photos or videos of me, for your enjoyment.
  8. Playing Diablo or other games together *Diablo is a favorite activity that can be played together when we are apart.
  9. Audio book downloadable – don’t pay full price there are services and sales where they are really cheap or pick one out from the library for you to download.
  10. Reading to you, while we are together or apart over the phone.
  11. Giving you a bath
  12. Brushing your hair
  13. Painting your nails
  14. Dinner together out while on the phone when we are apart.