Anything Butt – Anal Training Experiment

Update: We tried this and aside from a few missteps it was absolutely amazing.

This is a task or scene for any BDSM couple interested in anal and anal play. It is also an excellent vanilla exercise (just remove the bonds) for anyone interested in anal training and play. Make sure to discuss this activity with your sub or partner first. If they agree, this is a great way to gauge interest and explore anal play.

If your sub or partner becomes uncomfortable, uses a safeword, or is in distress, STOP. LISTEN. You may have to soothe some fears or comfort them. You should not be upset if you need to stop or scrap the exercise entirely. This happens and it may be something you can table and explore further later but it can be overly stimulating or your sub or partner may just not like it.

If you are the submissive or bottom partner, then do not be afraid to say your safeword.

This is not the time to push limits or to punish your sub, it is a time to explore your sub or partner’s desire to engage in anal play.

I am kind of excited to try this one and will be adding a follow-up once we have. RU (my dominant) may also have something to add to it on all counts. I will make note of things to add in or leave out if you want this to be a bit more vanilla.

First and foremost, make sure this is safe, sane, and consensual play! I will be using sub but if you are doing this with a vanilla partner just replace sub with partner.

You do not have to follow this exactly, the important thing is to read the whole thing through before you try it and most of all…
HAVE FUN WITH IT – you can modify it to your play style and desires just as long as you stay within the confines of safe, sane,

Things you need

LUBE – the kind that is safe for the toys you play with – DO NOT FORGET THIS!!!!

Note: LUBE and you don’t want to use anything that will numb the area and prevent them from feeling if something is wrong. A lot of people recommend using a numbing lube but this is dangerous, pain is a way to tell you if something is wrong.

Things You May Want

Anal cleansing kit (for clean play)
Your favorite ties and anchors (rope, silk, leather, whatever you like)
Pillows (for propping up and better access)
Vibrator or Dildo (Female)
Cockring or Dildo (Male)
Small Anal Toy
Medium Anal Toy (only if your sub or partner is used to a medium toy)
Sensation Play Items (This can be anything from hands to floggers to feathers)

What to Do

  1. Have your sub clean themselves (or you can clean them) with the anal cleansing kit if your sub’s agreeable you might want them to shave as well.
  2. You can insert a dildo, cock ring, or vibrator now or wait until you have them positioned, or simply use your hands for stimulation.
  3. Position your sub on their stomach with their hands and legs bound. Use a pillow or three under your subs stomach to make sure the area you want is exposed for you
  4. Edge your sub or partner at least two times to make sure they are nice and ready
  5. Check with your sub, check the bonds
  6. Start on the outside using sensation play items, although you can do this for however long you want, I would suggest not more than 10 minutes. Take cues from your sub or partner to see when they are ready to move on. If your sub starts lo lose interest before the 10 minutes you might want to consider a shorter time between edgings
  7. Check with your sub check their bonds
  8. Edge your sub at least two more times. Don’t forget to excite yourself as well all throughout this process.
  9. Move towards the inside not touching the anus continue with sensation play items but softer, these tissues are very sensitive and can be easily damaged. If your sub is new do not use any form of impact play here. Again take cues from your sub to make sure they are comfortable with things and not for more than 10 minutes. Make sure your sub is not ticklish while you are doing this.
  10. Check with your sub, if bound do a circulation check.
  11. Edge your sub again at least two more times, don’t forget yourself as well. add lube
  12. Move to the anus and use your fingers to gently play with the opening.Take cues from your sub but do not do this too long. Your sub can get sore or you can scrape your sub with a fingernail creating an unpleasant experience for everyone.
  13. Here you can edge your sub and play with their anus gradually increasing pressure without full penetration.
  14. Check with your sub before inserting anything! If bound check circulation. add lube
  15. Use a lube applicator or your fingers to work lube into your sub not just around the outside of the anus. Do this very slowly. If you think you are using too much lube double it. You ultimately want to be able to insert your finger or small toy into your sub with little resistance. If you think it is too much lube add more.
  16. This is where you are going to need to get creative and watch your sub carefully. Once they are comfortable with the object or your finger, start to move slowly and carefully. You might want to make sure your sub stays excited by masturbating them if you can, or you can use a vibrator, dildo, or another favorite device.
  17. Check your sub and check circulation add lube
  18. You can let them cum with just a toy inserted or you can move onto a bigger toy or your penis (if you have one) ONLY if you’ve discussed this before you started.
  19. After you both are satisfied or if your sub has asked you to stop, be sure to gently clean up your sub and provide any aftercare necessary.

Notes

  • You can cum at any point during this exercise but you always want to make sure your sub cums at the end of this. You do after all have them spread out for your viewing pleasure. Remember the point of this is make anal play pleasurable and therefore exciting for both of you.
  • It is extremely important that short of the person on the receiving end wanting to stop you follow this all the way through. You do not want this to be in any way a negative experience for the person receiving this. This exercise is designed to help increase interest in anal sex and make it a fun activity for BOTH of you. Stopping can cause a negative emotional reaction that may discourage anal play in the future.
  • This will work no matter what kind of couple you are as long as you are both interested in anal sex.

Variations:

What is Sexual Dominance?

According to the dictionary, dominance is defined as power and influence over others. It would then follow that sexual dominance is power and influence over others through the use of sex, but this misses the mark by a wide margin.

This may leave you asking yourself what it is, then. Unfortunately, there is no simple answer. In legal terms, it is forcing someone to do something sexually through threat or administration of physical violence, or the use of psychological, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse to achieve psychological control over another person.

Clinically, it is a sexual deviance wherein the person displaying these traits satisfies psychological drives towards narcissism, sadism, and sexual gratification through the use of coercive tactics over another person. All of these definitions, though technically correct, paint sexual dominance in a very negative light and reflect the fact that there is still so much that is misunderstood about it.

All of that being said, I will explain what I think sexual dominance is. Sexual dominance is exerting control over another person for sexual gratification. However, there is the caveat that the person under control wants to be there. Like all things sexual between people, there is a give and take.

As a sexual dominant, I take pleasure from you by controlling you in some fashion, but you must also take pleasure in being controlled. Otherwise, it is just abuse. At all times, and particularly in any form of sexual activity, it is essential that actions taken are safe, sane, and consensual. Sexual dominance involves the dominant person taking/doing what they want, sexually, while the other participant enjoys the opposite side of the dynamic.

It is entirely possible that this only creates more questions for you, and that is not a bad thing at all. Feel free to ask me anything. I will do my level best to explain. Or, do your own research.

There is a bounty of information on the subject available on the internet, though it may be difficult to find at times. If this is a subject that interests you, explore all facets of it. And, most importantly, have fun with it in a safe, sane, and consensual manner.

An Introduction to BDSM and Other Fun Things

Warning: This is and other posts like it are about sex. Not the XY or XX kind but the wonderful, screaming, incredible, OH MY GOD WAS THAT GREAT kind. The tie me up, tie me down, hurt me and make me love it kind. The anything goes lets try it because it might be fun kind. So if you are offended by all things sex, please see yourself out. We don’t get offended, we don’t judge, and we love all aspects of all things in the bedroom and sometimes outside of it too!

When you read some of the things that are posted here, you might be thinking to yourself, well that’s just crazy. Please remember that I’ve already said I am slightly left of center so yeah it might just be crazy. We are firm believers that your desires should not be hidden in the bedroom. We believe in the exploration of all things safe, sane, and consensual. If it is all of these things, then we’ve probably tried it.

And now for the housekeeping:

This is the section for all things BDSM. Here you will find a variety of BDSM resources, thoughts, feelings, random strangeness, and other fun things including the journal of a switch and her companion. Some of the posts will be written by Rikjand Ulfur who is my mate. If you have a comment or question, feel free to direct it to myself or Rikjand specifically.

For classification purposes:

I am a switch which means I am both dominant and submissive depending on the situation. Rikjand is much more dominant than I am so in our relationship I am generally submissive.

This is an open forum so please feel free to ask questions or comment on anything that we say. Please understand that this is a resource for those at all levels of BDSM from vanilla experimentation to hardcore. We welcome everyone and definitely do not judge. This site is a platform for exploration we do not claim to be experts but we are experienced.

If They Only Knew

I am curious what my writing clients would think of me, if they ever knew I wrote this some of the dark and twisted things I’ve written here. I am not sure if I would rather be known for my fiction or my nonfiction, not that either mean much of anything.

What would happen if those two worlds clashed?

I do know one thing, I hope they never do. I suspect that those that actually bothered to read this would certainly find some of the other writing hilarious. Anyone else in the position of not every wanting the work that they do to mix with their darker aspects?

See the smart thing would be to take this completely down so I can’t ever be found out but since no one ever actually reads this site. I am not sure I have to worry about it.

Writing for a Living

Writing for a living is never what you think. My fiction gets called too intense and my nonfiction not intense enough. Anyone can do it. I spend my time writing for others and it pays the bills. It helps because I don’t have to leave the house to do it. Sometimes it is difficult to get started especially when you are dealing with depression and other aspects of life and mental illness.

Its easy even if you don’t know how. There are a lot of companies and services that will help you get started. You won’t make a fortune but it does pay the bills.

For those who are still around and like my previous posts, I will eventually get back to writing regularly. It is just life is hard and as usual it never lets up.

Why I Stopped Writing

I stopped working on this blog for a very long time. Truth is my job now is to write things for others to take credit for and read. I am very fortunate to be paid to do that. I also stopped because I realized that it is impossible to make a difference in depression or other peoples lives. Writing stopped helping me and so I stopped writing. Its that simple. I am trying really hard to get back to it. We will see how this goes.

How To Deal With Someone Who Has Depression

This guide will not work with everyone.

Dealing with someone who is suffering from depression is not hard. It’s really not. It might seem like it but it really is quite simple. Here’s what you do.

Step 1: STOP TRYING TO FIX IT – depression cannot be fixed, it can be managed, medicated, and a thousand other m words but it cannot be fixed. Ceaselessly trying to fix it will make it much worse and I suspect that’s how murder suicides happen. Someone continuously tries to fix it and the depressed person gets so frustrated that they take the life of the other person and then their own. Someone trying to fix you when you are depressed worsens the depression making it deeper, darker, and infinitely more depressed. Fixing worsens the depression which can be very very dangerous.

Step 2: Yes, there is actually a step two, remember that unless this is someone very new to depression stop trying to help. If they want to be left alone – LEAVE THEM ALONE. If they’ve dealt with depression for any length of time, they know what is best for them. They are attempting to cope with something that you cannot imagine, fathom, or would like to understand.

Step 3: Stop asking if you can help. I know this seems counter intuitive but…if they knew what would help they would do it. Stop asking it gets really annoying really fast, reread steps one and two for this one.

Step 4: Do what the depressed person asks you to. Trust me, if they think of something that you can do to help they will ask for it. That is unless you’ve already tried to fix it so often that they feel asking you for something that they need will only make it worse. If this is true refer to step 3

What the depressed person is doing is self medicating which very often is better that self harming or suicide. If they ask for pink grapefruits give it to them. If they ask for anything they are asking for help but not the kind of help that involves step 1.  Remember you can’t fix it but maybe pink grapefruits at that very moment might make them a bit better. If they ask for alcohol, give it to them (yes I know alcoholics anonymous has just taken a hit out on me). As long as what they are asking for is not deadly or illegal, give it to them. If they ask for anything and it is not illegal or deadly give it to them, they are allowing you to help them.

Step 5: Make sure they have hydration and a bit of food every day. Don’t force them to eat, don’t make a big deal out of it. Leave water on the bedside table or a little something to snack on. Mine is crackers and fresh fruit and veggies just to give you an example. Offer them a shower make it easy for them to get the things that they need to survive. If you feel tempted to insist on something again, refer to step 1.

Step 6: Do not force them to do anything. Imagine someone forcing you to do something when you have the flu or just found out your best friend, dog, and truck just died. Forcing a depressed person to get out of bed when they want to sleep is a very very bad idea. It reinforces the very thing they are trying to stop. Remember they are trying to pull themselves out of it. They know the depression, introduced themselves, and asked it if it likes sugar in its coffee when it has come over uninvited.

Step 7: Remember that they are adults. They’ve been dealing with something that you cannot imagine for longer that you’ve known about it. They can in fact make decisions for themselves. They’ve done this before. Even if you have depression remember as we are all individuals, each person’s depression is different, and each person’s way of coping with it is different.

Step 8: Always remember when a depressed person is pushed too far, they will do anything to make it stop. If they’ve learned a way to deal with it that doesn’t allow them to get to that point, let them use it. Depression is dangerous, a person pushed too far is dangerous, not add those two facts together.

I have suffered from depression most of my life. It’s an old friend, I know how mine likes its coffee, I know what its thinking. I know its goals. Its goal is to kill me, my goal is to stop it from doing just that. I know what to do when my brain starts to go sideways. Please let me do it because doing the wrong thing is so much worse than not doing anything at all.