You ever have one of those days where you knew you should have swallowed the entire bottle of sleeping pills the night before. Seriously wake up wondering why your life has suddenly been rewritten by a mind more insane than yours. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and thought well… at least I know what to expect…

This however is not the case. Of course not because that isn’t how life works or at least not this life.

Here’s a personal ad for you

Well built single white female seeks knight in shining armor or homicidal maniac. Note if you are the latter please do it quickly and skip the monologue. You won’t get caught, you don’t even have to dispose of the body. If you are the former just rescue me, the armor doesn’t even need to be all that shiny.

Ok so single white female seeks knight in slightly tarnished armor that knows a homicidal maniac who is willing to kill her after said knight breaks her into itty bitty pieces…

Ok so single white female seeks knight armor optional and homicidal maniac for a threesome – what happens from there is of little concern as long as the ending is final and they agree to dispose of the body in a shallow grave where it will be found by unsuspecting tourists preferably with small children who will be forever scarred or the highlight on show and tell day.

Kill me already just get it over with.