It is always 1:30 in the morning that my mind goes to you. Sleeping or awake it doesn’t seem to matter. It is always 1:30 when for some reason my mind is laid bare and things that shouldn’t be there creep into my head. Things that are wrong, immoral, and painful in so many ways. I know you’ve forgotten that I KNOW you. Above all I know things that make you want to scream because they are as much a part of me they are of you.

I don’t talk to you about it. I don’t think about it until it is 1:30 in the morning and my chest tightens and tears of something unnameable want to slide from my eyes. Every sigh, every moan, every scream rushes back to me pressing down until I feel something inside me die. Something I forgot was barely clinging to life since the last time the sickle slid through it. It writhes in agony and quiets as I wake whether from a dream or from my thoughts. Until it is 1:30 in the morning again and it lives there inside me like a whole other creature whose heart beats in time with mine even though both are bleeding.

lonely death

I am not the artist. If anyone does know the artist I will be perfectly happy to give them full credit for the photo. It is a piece of phenomenal artwork that seems to express my feeling very well.

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