I want to know why my heart beats faster. What causes the tightness in my chest when I see certain things. They aren’t the things that you would ordinarily have this feeling for. I want to live in a dream. Not a particularly pleasant dream but a dream none the less. I know this is not normal and I know that I like the wrong things and it is not healthy, the constant desire to escape into something that is both infinitely worse and infinitely better. You see, the things in my dreams make grown men scream and these are not even the nightmares. I want to feel them, touch them break through the boundary, the thin veil that separates this reality from the next. No I am not talking about death I am talking about the feeling you get when you walk into a dark room and are reaching for the light switch… You know that feeling like there is something standing just inside the door waiting for you to touch your hand to its cold dead one because its hand is on the switch too. The sigh of relief you let out suddenly realizing you are holding your breath as your fingers flip that switch and light floods the room scaring all of the things that live in the dark back into the shadows. Secretly you are grateful as you admonish yourself for being uneasy because you know there is no such thing as monsters. I do the same thing only I would rather touch that cold hand covering the switch than have light flood the room. I would rather be invited across that veil just to see what is real.