Would I feel lonely if the voices in my head stopped talking to me?

No for those who wonder I do not hear voices… well sometimes I do but I don’t believe what they tell me… ok so sometimes I believe them but never act on them… oh hell I do often act on them because most of the time they are right.

I often wonder at what point I stopped caring what others thought of me and at what point I stopped caring about what I thought of myself. It was probably the point when I realized that I am the person you don’t want to meet in a dark alley mostly because I am in that dark alley for purposes that might offend most people’s delicate sensibilities. I am the person who makes the statement “Good friends help you move, best friends help you move the bodies,” and means it.

My value lies in the pleasure I give others and only in that. I am the one who when you ask what my name is I look at you and say “what would you like it to be.”

The value I get from writing all of this down is that maybe one person will read it and think to themselves I am not alone. There is at least one other person who understands this. Yes this blog is not cheery, inspiring, or of any extrinsic value but somewhere along the line it might help someone feel. It doesn’t matter which feeling it inspires in some it will bring the creeping sense of hot breath on the back of your neck the second you realize something is standing right behind you in that second before you turn on the light.

In some it will bring the sense of belonging that only cold brick can bring as you are pushed up against the wall and fucked in an alley behind that bar that you frequent.

In some it will bring the desire to push against those little things that are commonly called limits and bend them until they break.

And in some it will simply bring understanding that pleasure and pain can exist simultaneously in a mind shattering way.

 

barbed

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About Killingdanse

I am the girl that was pretty but too smart. I am the girl that you sat and discussed horror movies, sci-fi novels, and molecular genetics with but were scared of because sometimes you saw the darkness peak out from inside me.
This entry was posted in Fractured, Sex or stunning lack thereof. and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Would I feel lonely if the voices in my head stopped talking to me?

  1. seriousseamus says:

    Fuck, you intrigue me.

    • seriousseamus says:

      Partly a sense of kindred, albeit one you embrace while I struggle. Partly I’m drawn to your darkness, drawn to it like home. I like that you frighten me, I like that it seems like you can frighten yourself. Does any of that make sense?

      • Killingdanse says:

        It makes perfect sense. Some are drawn like moths to a black flame while others run screaming to tuck their heads under their pillows. Despite embracing what I am we all can frighten ourselves with the reality of what we are capable of. I am just more open about it than others.

  2. Eric Alagan says:

    I admire your spunk.

    You are Shadow – (not a shadow, but Shadow) My blog post of that same title scheduled for 16 Feb. I invite you to read it, please – not to build traffic for my blog but because some of what I say there might resonate with you.

    Thank you for following my blog. I am honoured and I am also following your blog.

    Meanwhile herein a snippet > Light exposes, judges and shames. (But I, I serve in the Dark – to cloak your shame, but not mine – never mine).

    Peace, Eric

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