I really would do anything right now to make this go away.  Or for that matter my wrist stop hitting the track pad and the courser stop jumping. I want to die that is all there is too it. Yes I am completely batshit crazy but the fun happy dancing around in bright colours crazy. I am the crazy that gets you killed in the big city at night. I am the crazy that people who hunt other people look for and I am the crazy that dies in dark alleys behind dumpsters. I am the crazy that exists because there is noone there that understands or cares. I am the crazy that hurts all the time and hates to wake up and I am the crazy that is going to take a bunch of pills which I know will make me sleep but hope will kill me. I am the crazy that you never want to find outside your door.