I am redlining this for a reason. To all of my friends and family that may or may not be reading if you don’t like really strange and you don’t want to know things about me that are otherwise kept quiet. Come to think of it they should be kept quiet but I am going to put them here anyway. For anyone who reads this I have a question – is this too strange. Also I am on pretty much on a large amount of drugs that are supposed to make me sleep… Its quarter to four am here. Lot of good the sleep medication. All it did is make me thing about this and of course after the thought the crazy leaks out onto the page – well in this case the website.

Ok time for random strangeness.

I am a sexual creature by nature. I enjoy a vast variety of ways to play. Truth is despite my good catholic upbringing I love sex. Not just orgasm or the act itself but the sheer pleasure of being that close to someone. I will get there in a bit. First because this is rather odd – I enjoy watching gay men have sex specifically cumming and cumming hard. I don’t enjoy actually watching it. The part that I enjoy is hearing it. I am really not sure why. But it turns me on to no end which in the situation I am in is a very very bad thing. Not really bad just no viable release. Remember earlier when I said I love sex I meant to say I love sex with another person or a bunch of people. I love the type of sex where you have to count the feet and divide by two to see how many are participating. So I remain on edge and more than a little horny.

There is a bond that forms during sex. It isn’t permanent and may or may not exist after the act is completed. If that bond is there then good for you. If not move on, one night stands are not necessarily a bad thing and I have found myself saying goodbye right afterwards because I don’t want to see them in the morning… is this bad of me. Of course not I am a healthy adult with healthy desires or at least I hope they are.

As for me. I am searching for the one person who is willing to open their chest up for me and let me crawl in so that I never doubt that I am treasured. Not just loved but treasured. I want to lean up against his heart and feel it beating against my back while I count his ribs or the spots on his lungs to pass the time. I want to feel every bit of air stolen from me so that he can breath. I want to trace the lines of blood and bone with my fingers dipping it to it and hearing him gasp. I would be content in my cage made from flesh, bone, and muscle. Waiting. I want to be next to his heart so that I can run my hand along its ruby surface. Memorizing it.

Look closely it is a brilliant  photo
Look closely it is a brilliant photo

11 thoughts on “Strange sexual desires

    1. I agree Alice it is am amazing post. The thing for me of late is coming to understand that women have a sexuality that can and does devour them. The issue is they are at pains to express it and have people accept them for that view. I have discussed this with a friend who agrees with me that women on the whole have a repressed sexuality that is literally busting to get out. From what I have read of your work I can see how you relate to this post. I again feel privileged to be reading your work. There are other women in here who are also out there expressing their sexuality and it is so refreshing to read. I like what I see as the fundamental issue in the post that women, any woman in fact, wants to be treasured and who would want more than that?

      1. A lice and Summer thank you, it took me a long time to figure out the which words best fit and unfortunately the English language is limited. The thing is a lot of women are still in the dark ages as far as requesting what they desire sexually and emotionally. I just run off of the philosophy that asking is better then letting men guess. Having said that I often found myself in relationships that the person loved me… I knew they loved me… but the security (yes i have some serious issues with that), protection, sense of well being, and trust just wasn’t there or they didn’t show. I too am glad that women are expressing their desire more freely but not nearly enough to make men get the point that we like bizarre, strange, and sometimes perfectly normal sex. Most of us fight it but many women also want the knight in shining armor who sweeps us off our feet. Heck I’d settle for having a door opened for me and wondering if I am going to have to pay on a date (something that I walk away from). Sorry this was long winded but it always amazes me when someone says hey I get that.

      1. Summerstommy, your feedback regarding my blog continues to astound me. While I’m having the journey of a lifetime, I am also consumed by the internal struggle that comes with it….your kindness lifts me up..thank you

      2. Killingdanse…once again I must reiterate how glad I am to have found you. Your words could not be more succinct…I read your posts and sometimes think wtf??? How does she do this? Your mastery and eloquence are unparalleled in my opinion…I get you…oh boy do I!!! When I first read this, it gave me shivers. You see, in one of my earlier posts I had written something eerily similar and promptly deleted it as I felt it was too disturbing…that no one would ‘get it’…that I would be perceived as crazy. As I finished reading the first time…I could not help but sigh in contentment…where I fail at aptly describing my inner turmoil, you are my voice…

  1. As I have said before Alice you write with graphic honesty expressing your sexuality in such truthful language I am in awe of your ability to write this way. My characters would love to do what you do. You have made an impact on me, my “bits” love you. I understand your inner struggle but the liberation of expressing yourself as you do must be assisting that issue.

  2. That’s romantic as fuck. I always liked when lying next to someone under the covers and then at some point you body temperatures become one and you feel energy and heat circulate between the 2. It’s an intense unique feeling.

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