I Can Feel It

It has been a long time since I ran and came back. I thought I was done running and that the part of me that longs for solitude and anonymity was barricaded off along with the part of me that feels.

It has been a long time since I have felt myself breaking, splintering into more pieces than I knew were possible. It is not just here it is my home that I want to be away from. I said that would never happen again. Unfortunately I let someone in there that broke me further and despite repeated attempts to distance him from me without involving law enforcement have proved futile. He just doesn’t understand that what he is doing is hurting me or at least I hope he doesn’t understand.

If he does it just means he is a selfish leech who only wants to continue to live off of me like he has since I broke up with him several years ago. It is partially my fault because I felt bad for him and didn’t want him to be homeless but all I want now is to have him gone and my house back.

I never thought being nice could hurt me so bad for so long. It is very true no good deed goes unpunished and even though I have begged him to leave and stop leeching off of me it is going to take law enforcement to get him out.

How did I get myself into a situation where I want to run from my own home?

He knows it hurts, he knows what his refusal to leave does to me, how it breaks me a little bit further and still he chooses to torture me instead of simply leaving.

Randy

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About Killingdanse

I am the girl that was pretty but too smart. I am the girl that you sat and discussed horror movies, sci-fi novels, and molecular genetics with but were scared of because sometimes you saw the darkness peak out from inside me.
This entry was posted in Broken, Deranged Art, School, Work and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to I Can Feel It

  1. tommyssummer says:

    You are in a difficult place. I understand your need to rid your self of a leech, who would not want to be clean of such creatures. Maybe extreme measures have to be taken. After all it is your life. For how dare an individual defy your requests to leave your house. I would be exploring all avenues of assistance in this case. You have to look after yourself, your disintegration benefits no one especially you. Take care, do what is right for you.

    • Killingdanse says:

      It is my fault that he has been here this long. I just have a hard time hurting anyone that I don’t want to do it. I broke up with him five years ago now and he still tells everyone he is my boyfriend (kack). He won’t let me go no matter how much I beg and plead for him to. I have tried to talk rationally to him but that doesn’t work either.

  2. Eric Alagan says:

    This is rough – hikers usually put a lighted cigarette to the leech and burn it off

  3. He is a fucking bottom feeder!!! A parasite!!! I’m going through a shitty situation myself these days dealing with those that are simply wastes of skin…it boggles my mind that people that have once claimed to care can stoop so low 😦
    Get the law involved! Do whatever it takes!!!!
    Don’t allow this to continue.

    Want me to assist with this asshat extraction??
    I need an outlet myself these days … 😀

  4. tommyssummer says:

    I agree with Alice. You have to do what you need to do as it is your life that he is playing with. You have a right to your life free from arseholes stuffing things up for you.
    Take care

  5. prayingforoneday says:

    You need to think about yourself and do the right thing x

    • Killingdanse says:

      Part of my problem is that I don’t think about myself. I push myself for others and wind up doing something damaging to me to help them. I am learning… slowly but I am learning. Thank you.

      • prayingforoneday says:

        Listen you and I are SOOOO alike,,I give more of my time to others I leave NOTHING for me. Sometimes I can give people advice I should be giving myself..

        LIKE NOW! lol…

        You will get there..
        And if you do Skype, get me added..
        I am harmless and married ok…
        Just a chat away..

        x

  6. prayingforoneday says:

    If you have this Award PLEASE go here http://www.momentmatters.com/awards/
    Here you can download number 2 and host it if you alreayd have this Award. I created
    this Award for the reasons in Red. I hope you can accept.
    http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/07/14/i-am-part-of-the-wordpress-family-award/
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    Shaun

  7. prayingforoneday says:

    Forget the last message!! Sorry

    Please accept this Award I hope you can accept. I created this for what is said in Red
    http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/07/14/i-am-part-of-the-wordpress-family-award/
    I would be honoured if you could accept.
    Thank you
    Shaun

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