Yes this is a redlined post. Not for kiddies in more ways than one. It is important to remember that there is an age of consent and anything breaking that age can be very very very harmful. That being said all activities should be safe, sane, consensual, and not harmful to you or others.

Most people who know me, have read my writing, or seen any of my lectures understand that I am open about enjoying all forms of sex, adult entertainment, and all things that feel wonderful. My motto has always been if it feels good then enjoy it while you can. There is too much in this life that is damaging or hurtful to not take advantage of something that feels wonderful.

Why am I stating this again when everyone knows my stand on all things pleasurable?

Simply because there are far too many people who judge and maybe after reading this they might be a bit less likely to condemn.

I had a conversation with some friends not long ago that turned from a lighthearted discussion about blow jobs to something much darker. Dark is nothing new to me and depending on my mood I might like very very dark things done to my body and doing very very dark things in return. There were several of us talking from a variety of different backgrounds with a variety of different ideals. We had both ends of the spectrum. One of the subjects was a time honored taboo in our culture and to respect my friends I won’t get detailed. The fact was they engaged but were unsettled by what they were doing. They were wracked by guilt.

It turned out that although they felt very strong feelings of love, desire, and attraction they were hurt by the fact that the feelings existed. How many of us can control what we feel for another person? Can we simply turn off attraction, sexual desire, love?

If you ask any of my ex-boyfriends, girlfriends, or even friends they will certainly tell you that I have one hell of a time with it, hence mistakes I have made by getting back together with them. After the statement was made one person left and another I asked to leave. No matter what I can’t deal with someone who judges a person without knowing the whole story. The two that left, left because sometimes society cannot tolerate a new concept even if it doesn’t harm anyone.

Society judges that harshly.

My point is this…

If two people want to engage in something that does not harm anyone else, doesn’t harm them, and they enjoy it what is the problem? I don’t see one. What two people do in their bedroom is really seriously none of my or anyone elses business. I might not choose it for me but then again I am not in their circumstance. If I were perhaps I would.

If you look at the taboo subjects we have when it comes to sex which ones should truly be immoral or illegal. Which ones really do harm? In the case of my friends and me on occasion it is not the act that hurts it is society’s reaction to the act. There are things about me that I keep private because people look at me different when they find out. Is it just me that thinks society shouldn’t have any say in what I do privately?

If you enjoy something then enjoy it. It can be very hard when society frowns on what you are doing but you do far more damage to yourself because of it when you deny something that you enjoy. The fact that something deviant is enjoyable doesn’t hurt you, caring how people judge you will. The guilt is what destroys you not the act. Guilt is a very very powerful construct but it is a construct. It is very rarely real. I know I feel guilty over things that are not my fault all of the time.

Feeling guilty about something that hurt someone else is a good thing. Feeling guilty about something that you enjoy that doesn’t hurt anyone or feeling guilty about feeling a certain way is useless. It is a waste of energy and emotion. Feeling guilty because society, the church, or other people tell you to is just plain silly. There is nothing about sexual desire that is safe, sane, consensual, and doesn’t hurt anyone else to feel guilty about.

As long as the desire, activity, or feeling doesn’t hurt you, hurt others, and you enjoy it then why not enjoy it without worrying about what other people think. You shouldn’t feel guilty about something that is natural for you just because someone else says you should feel guilty. Guilt can kill.


8 thoughts on “Deviant Sexual Behavior

  1. I find it such a pity that the thick taboe surrounding sexual behaviour has made such deep wounds in so so many people… myself included… We can’t change other people… it only uses up our energy… we can just try and enjoy our life, however we choose… and that is good… Barbara

    1. I agree completely. I think everyone (myself included) spends far too much time worrying about what others think. I admit I have my hangups but I try very hard to overcome the ones that I know are just what other people may think.

    2. That is why I wrote this. I just don’t see how my morality should be imposed on anyone else or their morality on me. It is a shame that so many suffer just because of what others think. I am very glad at least one person agrees with me.

      1. IAM sure more do, but unfortunately they have reasons not to voice their opinion… but humankind is slowly awakening from a deep sleep in a very limited experience of duality, unkindness and even horror (which has broken the human heart and soul)… it is time to expand our frontiers, express our voice and bring LOVE and caring for self first then each other to its rightful place… everywhere…

      2. I am a firm believer in the power of one. If someone who is closed off, guilty, or frightened of who they are reads my ramblings and realizes that it is OK to be a bit off kilter in life my purpose is accomplished. I know that once upon a time I thought I was the only one that was slightly psychotic because I was surrounded by people who projected normalcy at all costs. I did more damage to myself in at that time because I thought I was alone. It got so bad that I nearly broke. One day I realized I just didn’t care anymore and if one person at that time told me that they felt the same a lot of things would have hurt a lot less.

      3. Yes you are a wonderful example of IAM… what a pity you had to feel so low though… So now you write and people read and IAM sure they are very thankful to you…

  2. Here’s an issue, then:

    Argument: “Incest mother with son hurts the son because it prevents him from maturing properly”.

    Assume that the son is over 25- I was going to say 18, but 25 is unarguably adult by age.

    Whose decision should it be whether the act harms the participants?

    1. The answer to whose decision it is is that it’s theirs. The two people involved which was the reason for my warning. I don’t condone relationships that are out of sync nor do I think that a child can make the decision (informed consent cannot be reach between people who are unable to understand what consent is). One adult cannot decide what is or is not harmful to another. What is harmful to me may not be harmful to others. I know quite a few things that don’t bother me one bit and I enjoy that others would run screaming away from. I also know quite a few things that I cringe at but others enjoy.

      I am not one to judge two people who are adults, know what they are doing, and enjoy themselves.

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