Posted on by Killingdanse

BDSM punishment Ideas for When You are Together

This is a handy list of punishments that my Dom and I use when we are together. Remember to go over the list of punishment activities before any rule or scene to make sure that you agree on them. Just because it is a punishment does not mean that it is not consensual.

A quick word before the list – Punishments are not necessarily meant to be fun, although a lot of these are, to me at least. I cannot stress this enough. The idea of punishment should be something that is agreed upon in ADVANCE. A Dom should never just come up with a punishment out of the blue without first talking to his or her sub. This list is something that UR and I came up will long before we ever got into a situation where punishment might be required.

We also have the understanding that either of us can request a punishment after making it clear we are doing it for fun rather than as an office punishment (as I said I enjoy most of these so it isn’t unusual for one to come up in our scenes without there being an infraction.)

Also, we have clearly defined rules which we’ve worked out. The punishments are listed from mild to severe.

Punishment:

  1. Spanking, flogging, etc. depending on the infraction

Mild:

  1. Naked chores
  2. No underwear in public
  3. Wearing lingerie in public or lingerie showing in some non-obvious fashion
  4. Driving and having to masturbate you or masturbate myself at traffic lights etc
  5. Learn something I find boring

Moderate:

  1. Naked chores with collar/lead or bondage
  2. Holding something inside of me for a length of time
  3. Stand, sit, or kneel in a certain pose that you enjoy for a given period.
  4. Make me cum in my panties and wear them throughout dinner
  5. Clothing partially removed in car while we are driving possibly not a punishment
  6. Naked front of window clothed or unclothed for a time
  7. Serve you dinner in the nude or feed you in the nude
  8. Nipple clamps in public

Severe:

  1. Disallow speaking when in public or for a given length of time unless spoken to unless significant need exists (ie I need to speak with you about there being a problem or the house is on fire)
  2. Wearing toys in public
  3. Sleeping with a vibrator in or hands bound
  4. Writing a word or phrase on me to be worn for a given length of time or until it fades
  5. Ice between layers of clothing until it melts
  6. Cum in panties and give panties to you after dinner or event
Posted on by Killingdanse · 2 Comments

Quick Tips for Making Cleaning the House More Fun and Sexy!

Do you love doing laundry or cleaning your bathrooms? No, we didn’t think so. Not many people jump out of bed thinking great I get to vacuum the house today!

For those of you that want your standard tips on making housecleaning or chores fun, this probably isn’t the article for you. This is more for the sexy and fun way to do chores with a bit of sex and BDSM thrown in.

Like all of my activities, I will try to add vanilla and practical tips as often as I can.

  • Naked Cleaning – Wear an apron for the particularly messy ones.
  • Household Chores for Rewards or Punishments – Each of you write down rewards and punishments for completing chores. When you complete one pick out a reward, don’t want to do one? Pick out a punishment. You would be amazed how well this works for the chores you don’t want to do.
  • Dress-up cleaning – break out the maid’s outfit or that sexy clubwear that is in the back of your closet, remember don’t wear anything underneath.
  • Co-ed Naked Cooking – Aprons are required! You don’t want to heat things up in the wrong way.
  • The Chore Dice Game – see our BDSM and Sexy Games page.
  • Chore Card Game – see games page to find out how to play
  • Spice up sweeping or vaccuuming with your Dom standing behind you with a paddle
  • Naked gardening – gardening naked is a very freeing experience (just be sure to do it where your neighbors can’t see you) Added benefit – your clothes won’t get all dirty.
  • Give your partner permission to stop you and take advantage of you at any time while you are doing your housework.

Any chore can be made sexy if you wear lingerie or simply a nice bra and panties while doing it. Housework does not have to be boring!


Posted on by Killingdanse

Anything Butt – Anal Training Experiment

Update: We tried this and aside from a few missteps it was absolutely amazing.

This is a task or scene for any BDSM couple interested in anal and anal play. It is also an excellent vanilla exercise (just remove the bonds) for anyone interested in anal training and play. Make sure to discuss this activity with your sub or partner first. If they agree, this is a great way to gauge interest and explore anal play.

If your sub or partner becomes uncomfortable, uses a safeword, or is in distress, STOP. LISTEN. You may have to soothe some fears or comfort them. You should not be upset if you need to stop or scrap the exercise entirely. This happens and it may be something you can table and explore further later but it can be overly stimulating or your sub or partner may just not like it.

If you are the submissive or bottom partner, then do not be afraid to say your safeword.

This is not the time to push limits or to punish your sub, it is a time to explore your sub or partner’s desire to engage in anal play.

I am kind of excited to try this one and will be adding a follow-up once we have. RU (my dominant) may also have something to add to it on all counts. I will make note of things to add in or leave out if you want this to be a bit more vanilla.

First and foremost, make sure this is safe, sane, and consensual play! I will be using sub but if you are doing this with a vanilla partner just replace sub with partner.

You do not have to follow this exactly, the important thing is to read the whole thing through before you try it and most of all…
HAVE FUN WITH IT – you can modify it to your play style and desires just as long as you stay within the confines of safe, sane,

Things you need

LUBE – the kind that is safe for the toys you play with – DO NOT FORGET THIS!!!!

Note: LUBE and you don’t want to use anything that will numb the area and prevent them from feeling if something is wrong. A lot of people recommend using a numbing lube but this is dangerous, pain is a way to tell you if something is wrong.

Things You May Want

Anal cleansing kit (for clean play)
Your favorite ties and anchors (rope, silk, leather, whatever you like)
Pillows (for propping up and better access)
Vibrator or Dildo (Female)
Cockring or Dildo (Male)
Small Anal Toy
Medium Anal Toy (only if your sub or partner is used to a medium toy)
Sensation Play Items (This can be anything from hands to floggers to feathers)

What to Do

  1. Have your sub clean themselves (or you can clean them) with the anal cleansing kit if your sub’s agreeable you might want them to shave as well.
  2. You can insert a dildo, cock ring, or vibrator now or wait until you have them positioned, or simply use your hands for stimulation.
  3. Position your sub on their stomach with their hands and legs bound. Use a pillow or three under your subs stomach to make sure the area you want is exposed for you
  4. Edge your sub or partner at least two times to make sure they are nice and ready
  5. Check with your sub, check the bonds
  6. Start on the outside using sensation play items, although you can do this for however long you want, I would suggest not more than 10 minutes. Take cues from your sub or partner to see when they are ready to move on. If your sub starts lo lose interest before the 10 minutes you might want to consider a shorter time between edgings
  7. Check with your sub check their bonds
  8. Edge your sub at least two more times. Don’t forget to excite yourself as well all throughout this process.
  9. Move towards the inside not touching the anus continue with sensation play items but softer, these tissues are very sensitive and can be easily damaged. If your sub is new do not use any form of impact play here. Again take cues from your sub to make sure they are comfortable with things and not for more than 10 minutes. Make sure your sub is not ticklish while you are doing this.
  10. Check with your sub, if bound do a circulation check.
  11. Edge your sub again at least two more times, don’t forget yourself as well. add lube
  12. Move to the anus and use your fingers to gently play with the opening.Take cues from your sub but do not do this too long. Your sub can get sore or you can scrape your sub with a fingernail creating an unpleasant experience for everyone.
  13. Here you can edge your sub and play with their anus gradually increasing pressure without full penetration.
  14. Check with your sub before inserting anything! If bound check circulation. add lube
  15. Use a lube applicator or your fingers to work lube into your sub not just around the outside of the anus. Do this very slowly. If you think you are using too much lube double it. You ultimately want to be able to insert your finger or small toy into your sub with little resistance. If you think it is too much lube add more.
  16. This is where you are going to need to get creative and watch your sub carefully. Once they are comfortable with the object or your finger, start to move slowly and carefully. You might want to make sure your sub stays excited by masturbating them if you can, or you can use a vibrator, dildo, or another favorite device.
  17. Check your sub and check circulation add lube
  18. You can let them cum with just a toy inserted or you can move onto a bigger toy or your penis (if you have one) ONLY if you’ve discussed this before you started.
  19. After you both are satisfied or if your sub has asked you to stop, be sure to gently clean up your sub and provide any aftercare necessary.

Notes

  • You can cum at any point during this exercise but you always want to make sure your sub cums at the end of this. You do after all have them spread out for your viewing pleasure. Remember the point of this is make anal play pleasurable and therefore exciting for both of you.
  • It is extremely important that short of the person on the receiving end wanting to stop you follow this all the way through. You do not want this to be in any way a negative experience for the person receiving this. This exercise is designed to help increase interest in anal sex and make it a fun activity for BOTH of you. Stopping can cause a negative emotional reaction that may discourage anal play in the future.
  • This will work no matter what kind of couple you are as long as you are both interested in anal sex.

Variations:

Posted on by Rikjandi Ulfur

What is Sexual Dominance?

According to the dictionary, dominance is defined as power and influence over others. It would then follow that sexual dominance is power and influence over others through the use of sex, but this misses the mark by a wide margin.

This may leave you asking yourself what it is, then. Unfortunately, there is no simple answer. In legal terms, it is forcing someone to do something sexually through threat or administration of physical violence, or the use of psychological, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse to achieve psychological control over another person.

Clinically, it is a sexual deviance wherein the person displaying these traits satisfies psychological drives towards narcissism, sadism, and sexual gratification through the use of coercive tactics over another person. All of these definitions, though technically correct, paint sexual dominance in a very negative light and reflect the fact that there is still so much that is misunderstood about it.

All of that being said, I will explain what I think sexual dominance is. Sexual dominance is exerting control over another person for sexual gratification. However, there is the caveat that the person under control wants to be there. Like all things sexual between people, there is a give and take.

As a sexual dominant, I take pleasure from you by controlling you in some fashion, but you must also take pleasure in being controlled. Otherwise, it is just abuse. At all times, and particularly in any form of sexual activity, it is essential that actions taken are safe, sane, and consensual. Sexual dominance involves the dominant person taking/doing what they want, sexually, while the other participant enjoys the opposite side of the dynamic.

It is entirely possible that this only creates more questions for you, and that is not a bad thing at all. Feel free to ask me anything. I will do my level best to explain. Or, do your own research.

There is a bounty of information on the subject available on the internet, though it may be difficult to find at times. If this is a subject that interests you, explore all facets of it. And, most importantly, have fun with it in a safe, sane, and consensual manner.

Posted on by Killingdanse

An Introduction to BDSM and Other Fun Things

Warning: This is and other posts like it are about sex. Not the XY or XX kind but the wonderful, screaming, incredible, OH MY GOD WAS THAT GREAT kind. The tie me up, tie me down, hurt me and make me love it kind. The anything goes lets try it because it might be fun kind. So if you are offended by all things sex, please see yourself out. We don’t get offended, we don’t judge, and we love all aspects of all things in the bedroom and sometimes outside of it too!

When you read some of the things that are posted here, you might be thinking to yourself, well that’s just crazy. Please remember that I’ve already said I am slightly left of center so yeah it might just be crazy. We are firm believers that your desires should not be hidden in the bedroom. We believe in the exploration of all things safe, sane, and consensual. If it is all of these things, then we’ve probably tried it.

And now for the housekeeping:

This is the section for all things BDSM. Here you will find a variety of BDSM resources, thoughts, feelings, random strangeness, and other fun things including the journal of a switch and her companion. Some of the posts will be written by Rikjand Ulfur who is my mate. If you have a comment or question, feel free to direct it to myself or Rikjand specifically.

For classification purposes:

I am a switch which means I am both dominant and submissive depending on the situation. Rikjand is much more dominant than I am so in our relationship I am generally submissive.

This is an open forum so please feel free to ask questions or comment on anything that we say. Please understand that this is a resource for those at all levels of BDSM from vanilla experimentation to hardcore. We welcome everyone and definitely do not judge. This site is a platform for exploration we do not claim to be experts but we are experienced.

Posted on by Killingdanse · 4 Comments

Why Do I Wake Up Like This?

I know the depression has been bad lately but… I am currently in one of the most beautiful places on the earth (or at least I think so) and I wake up sad. I wake up wanting to die or not wake up at all. If I could right now I would take a million drugs just for this to stop. I should be happy, excited, hopeful, something other than overwhelmingly sad. Why do I feel like this? Yes, I know the technical of why and it is not why me. I would rather it be me than anyone else. I wouldn’t ask anyone to feel like this on a regular basis.

I have no reason to feel this way. My job is fine, money is tight but okay, I am on vacation, my truck is being fixed – my insurance may go up but okay, it can’t go up by that much. I am not particularly lonely. There is no reason for me to wake up like this.

 

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Posted on by Killingdanse · 8 Comments

Deviant Sexual Behavior

Yes this is a redlined post. Not for kiddies in more ways than one. It is important to remember that there is an age of consent and anything breaking that age can be very very very harmful. That being said all activities should be safe, sane, consensual, and not harmful to you or others.

Most people who know me, have read my writing, or seen any of my lectures understand that I am open about enjoying all forms of sex, adult entertainment, and all things that feel wonderful. My motto has always been if it feels good then enjoy it while you can. There is too much in this life that is damaging or hurtful to not take advantage of something that feels wonderful.

Why am I stating this again when everyone knows my stand on all things pleasurable?

Simply because there are far too many people who judge and maybe after reading this they might be a bit less likely to condemn.

I had a conversation with some friends not long ago that turned from a lighthearted discussion about blow jobs to something much darker. Dark is nothing new to me and depending on my mood I might like very very dark things done to my body and doing very very dark things in return. There were several of us talking from a variety of different backgrounds with a variety of different ideals. We had both ends of the spectrum. One of the subjects was a time honored taboo in our culture and to respect my friends I won’t get detailed. The fact was they engaged but were unsettled by what they were doing. They were wracked by guilt.

It turned out that although they felt very strong feelings of love, desire, and attraction they were hurt by the fact that the feelings existed. How many of us can control what we feel for another person? Can we simply turn off attraction, sexual desire, love?

If you ask any of my ex-boyfriends, girlfriends, or even friends they will certainly tell you that I have one hell of a time with it, hence mistakes I have made by getting back together with them. After the statement was made one person left and another I asked to leave. No matter what I can’t deal with someone who judges a person without knowing the whole story. The two that left, left because sometimes society cannot tolerate a new concept even if it doesn’t harm anyone.

Society judges that harshly.

My point is this…

If two people want to engage in something that does not harm anyone else, doesn’t harm them, and they enjoy it what is the problem? I don’t see one. What two people do in their bedroom is really seriously none of my or anyone elses business. I might not choose it for me but then again I am not in their circumstance. If I were perhaps I would.

If you look at the taboo subjects we have when it comes to sex which ones should truly be immoral or illegal. Which ones really do harm? In the case of my friends and me on occasion it is not the act that hurts it is society’s reaction to the act. There are things about me that I keep private because people look at me different when they find out. Is it just me that thinks society shouldn’t have any say in what I do privately?

If you enjoy something then enjoy it. It can be very hard when society frowns on what you are doing but you do far more damage to yourself because of it when you deny something that you enjoy. The fact that something deviant is enjoyable doesn’t hurt you, caring how people judge you will. The guilt is what destroys you not the act. Guilt is a very very powerful construct but it is a construct. It is very rarely real. I know I feel guilty over things that are not my fault all of the time.

Feeling guilty about something that hurt someone else is a good thing. Feeling guilty about something that you enjoy that doesn’t hurt anyone or feeling guilty about feeling a certain way is useless. It is a waste of energy and emotion. Feeling guilty because society, the church, or other people tell you to is just plain silly. There is nothing about sexual desire that is safe, sane, consensual, and doesn’t hurt anyone else to feel guilty about.

As long as the desire, activity, or feeling doesn’t hurt you, hurt others, and you enjoy it then why not enjoy it without worrying about what other people think. You shouldn’t feel guilty about something that is natural for you just because someone else says you should feel guilty. Guilt can kill.

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Posted on by Killingdanse · 9 Comments

Public Stigma and Reasons for Hiding

I speak often of the depression I suffer from. Sometimes it is in graphically descriptive terms as many of my posts are and other times it is plainly as this post is shaping up to be. I recently went very public to friends and family with the problems I experience with depression.

That was a very large mistake. Instead of being able to be more open I have had to hide more. I cannot use phrases like help, sick, hospital, or state that I am not feeling well without a paranoid lets call in the nice young men in little white coats reaction. Frankly I am considering moving, changing my name, severing the support system I thought was in place (turns on those I relied on were worse than those that I ran from), and going somewhere so big no one will know me or care as I slowly degrade and bring myself back up again. This is because I am the only one who can, help would be nice, someone to talk to would be nice but not worth the fallout of being honest with people close to you.

When I began this I talked about when to call an ambulance and when not to. Unfortunately no one seemed to listen lol. Let me rephrase what I said at the beginning, unless I am bleeding out don’t call the ambulance. Calling can, will, and did ruin my life.

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