Schizophrenic Architects At It Again

You ever have one of those days where you knew you should have swallowed the entire bottle of sleeping pills the night before. Seriously wake up wondering why your life has suddenly been rewritten by a mind more insane than yours. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and thought well… at least I know what to expect…

This however is not the case. Of course not because that isn’t how life works or at least not this life.

Here’s a personal ad for you

Well built single white female seeks knight in shining armor or homicidal maniac. Note if you are the latter please do it quickly and skip the monologue. You won’t get caught, you don’t even have to dispose of the body. If you are the former just rescue me, the armor doesn’t even need to be all that shiny.

Ok so single white female seeks knight in slightly tarnished armor that knows a homicidal maniac who is willing to kill her after said knight breaks her into itty bitty pieces…

Ok so single white female seeks knight armor optional and homicidal maniac for a threesome – what happens from there is of little concern as long as the ending is final and they agree to dispose of the body in a shallow grave where it will be found by unsuspecting tourists preferably with small children who will be forever scarred or the highlight on show and tell day.

Kill me already just get it over with.



Alarm goes off… find alarm…crack an eye open find alarm clock.

Realize you just tried to hit the sleep button on the dog

Roll the dog over find out why the dog is ringing – phone is under her (Think whenever you can’t find something check under the dog) Put phone is sleep mode.

Alarm goes off again – repeat scenario above only this time turn the alarm off.

Wonder why it is so cold – realize the blanket is under the dog.

Think screw it stumble to the living room grab blanket off the couch go back to bed with blanket.

Realize that it is hot, kick blanket off. Realize that I am now cold because I’ve fallen asleep again.

Turn over look at the dog and find new blanket under the dog


Swing legs off bed because keeping covers seems to be impossible.

Realize that floor is freezing.

Go to kitchen, put water in the coffee maker remember I forgot to get milk. Fumble with the filter, try to keep eyes open to get just one filter. Put filter sort of straight in coffee maker.

Turn coffee maker on – wonder why everything is blurry – realize I haven’t put my glasses on.

Go back to bedroom get glasses.

Put glasses on look longingly at the bed. Shake head.

Hear coffee maker making strange noises go to the coffee maker realize I haven’t closed it.

Realize I haven’t put any coffee in it.

Put coffee in and realize something is vaguely wrong stand at sink trying to catch the thought

Remember that there still is no milk

Pour coffee… trip over dog… wonder vaguely why the dog is following me around.

Realize that I haven’t fed the dog … set the coffee down forgetting the milk problem.

Put food in dog bowl, realize that it is cat food. Pour cat food back put dog food in the bowl and set it on the counter next to coffee.

Realize that I forgot to get cream.

Open fridge look just in case some magically appeared  of course it hasn’t– decide that whipped cream is just as good.

Put whipped cream in coffee, stir taste, realize that it doesn’t taste that bad. Stand there trying to catch the thought I was forgetting, turn around and trip over dog.

Mumble something vaguely obscene as hot coffee splashes on hand.

Go back to coffee maker – stare at it

Wonder vaguely why I am cold realize I haven’t put any clothing on.

Go back to bedroom look longingly at the bed.

Get whatever is in bag, already knowing finding something that matches is hopeless, realize that I need to do laundry.  Consider doing laundry nix the idea clean clothes are there just not matching ones.

Put shirt on, put pants on dig for socks find Christmas socks, shrug, put them on.

Hear dog making grumbling noises – realize you have left the dog food bowl with food in it on counter. Put dog food on floor for dog.

Drink coffee – pour another cup realize there is cream…

Realize a swim would be better – Take off clothes and swim  see the neighbor, wave, remember that I swim naked. She waves back because she knows that I swim naked. Ignore neighbors stare and get out of pool.

Realize I have forgotten a towel, walk into house dripping on wood floor and carpet. Slide and fall because there is no wet floor sign

Remember that I was the one that made it wet, realize I am cold and wet. Sigh go to bedroom and get clothing. Put shirt on backwards and inside out. Correct the backwards part shrug take shirt off again putting it on the right way. Decide the whole thing isn’t worth it and go back to bed.

So that was my morning how was yours.