This is not going to be the post that I set out for it to be. Mostly because I’ve noticed something about the kink community lately. This could just be my experience but I’ve noticed a lot of kink intolerance. Now I didn’t consider myself kinky until I started talking about fetishes, kink, and other fun things. Turns out I am definitely not the norm, not that I’ve ever been what you would call normal.
Within the fetish community, there are a vast variety of people with an even more vast variety of likes and dislikes. Since they are all into interesting sexual practices, you would think they would be tolerant of each other.
THIS IS NOT THE CASE
The truth is many who have a specific kick such as rope bondage may actually shame (kink shaming is a big no no for me) someone who likes metal bondage or device bondage. Or when someone likes golden showers they might shame someone whose kink is feet. When I realized this I pretty much figured out that people will shame each other for just about anything.
This somehow shocks me. It is absolutely amazing that the kinky population would do this. Here’s a hint to all of the kink shamers out there. Guess what, almost everyone has some kind of kink, something they enjoy that is not vanilla. Learn to live with it.
Although I would normally leave this to my Dom and my private journal, I think it is very important for all subs or littles to know that sometimes being submissive is lonely. You feel lost and afraid and all kinds of sad sometimes.
Looking up information is one way to abate the loneliness but there is so much false, fake, and just plain wrong information out there it can make things worse. It can give you the wrong idea about things or allow you to enter into a dangerous situation. I just read an article on collars that contained so much misinformation that I had to close the browser tab.
Just remember that there are a lot of us out here missing our Doms. You may be lonely but you are not alone.
Do you love doing laundry or cleaning your bathrooms? No, we didn’t think so. Not many people jump out of bed thinking great I get to vacuum the house today!
For those of you that want your standard tips on making housecleaning or chores fun, this probably isn’t the article for you. This is more for the sexy and fun way to do chores with a bit of sex and BDSM thrown in.
Like all of my activities, I will try to add vanilla and practical tips as often as I can.
- Naked Cleaning – Wear an apron for the particularly messy ones.
- Household Chores for Rewards or Punishments – Each of you write down rewards and punishments for completing chores. When you complete one pick out a reward, don’t want to do one? Pick out a punishment. You would be amazed how well this works for the chores you don’t want to do.
- Dress-up cleaning – break out the maid’s outfit or that sexy clubwear that is in the back of your closet, remember don’t wear anything underneath.
- Co-ed Naked Cooking – Aprons are required! You don’t want to heat things up in the wrong way.
- The Chore Dice Game – see our BDSM and Sexy Games page.
- Chore Card Game – see games page to find out how to play
- Spice up sweeping or vaccuuming with your Dom standing behind you with a paddle
- Naked gardening – gardening naked is a very freeing experience (just be sure to do it where your neighbors can’t see you) Added benefit – your clothes won’t get all dirty.
- Give your partner permission to stop you and take advantage of you at any time while you are doing your housework.
Any chore can be made sexy if you wear lingerie or simply a nice bra and panties while doing it. Housework does not have to be boring!
According to the dictionary, dominance is defined as power and influence over others. It would then follow that sexual dominance is power and influence over others through the use of sex, but this misses the mark by a wide margin.
This may leave you asking yourself what it is, then. Unfortunately, there is no simple answer. In legal terms, it is forcing someone to do something sexually through threat or administration of physical violence, or the use of psychological, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse to achieve psychological control over another person.
Clinically, it is a sexual deviance wherein the person displaying these traits satisfies psychological drives towards narcissism, sadism, and sexual gratification through the use of coercive tactics over another person. All of these definitions, though technically correct, paint sexual dominance in a very negative light and reflect the fact that there is still so much that is misunderstood about it.
All of that being said, I will explain what I think sexual dominance is. Sexual dominance is exerting control over another person for sexual gratification. However, there is the caveat that the person under control wants to be there. Like all things sexual between people, there is a give and take.
As a sexual dominant, I take pleasure from you by controlling you in some fashion, but you must also take pleasure in being controlled. Otherwise, it is just abuse. At all times, and particularly in any form of sexual activity, it is essential that actions taken are safe, sane, and consensual. Sexual dominance involves the dominant person taking/doing what they want, sexually, while the other participant enjoys the opposite side of the dynamic.
It is entirely possible that this only creates more questions for you, and that is not a bad thing at all. Feel free to ask me anything. I will do my level best to explain. Or, do your own research.
There is a bounty of information on the subject available on the internet, though it may be difficult to find at times. If this is a subject that interests you, explore all facets of it. And, most importantly, have fun with it in a safe, sane, and consensual manner.
Warning: This is and other posts like it are about sex. Not the XY or XX kind but the wonderful, screaming, incredible, OH MY GOD WAS THAT GREAT kind. The tie me up, tie me down, hurt me and make me love it kind. The anything goes lets try it because it might be fun kind. So if you are offended by all things sex, please see yourself out. We don’t get offended, we don’t judge, and we love all aspects of all things in the bedroom and sometimes outside of it too!
When you read some of the things that are posted here, you might be thinking to yourself, well that’s just crazy. Please remember that I’ve already said I am slightly left of center so yeah it might just be crazy. We are firm believers that your desires should not be hidden in the bedroom. We believe in the exploration of all things safe, sane, and consensual. If it is all of these things, then we’ve probably tried it.
And now for the housekeeping:
This is the section for all things BDSM. Here you will find a variety of BDSM resources, thoughts, feelings, random strangeness, and other fun things including the journal of a switch and her companion. Some of the posts will be written by Rikjand Ulfur who is my mate. If you have a comment or question, feel free to direct it to myself or Rikjand specifically.
For classification purposes:
I am a switch which means I am both dominant and submissive depending on the situation. Rikjand is much more dominant than I am so in our relationship I am generally submissive.
This is an open forum so please feel free to ask questions or comment on anything that we say. Please understand that this is a resource for those at all levels of BDSM from vanilla experimentation to hardcore. We welcome everyone and definitely do not judge. This site is a platform for exploration we do not claim to be experts but we are experienced.
Yeah unoriginal title for a fairly unoriginal post.
It amazes me that there are two reactions to a famous person killing themselves. It was a tragedy and we didn’t know.
Yes, loss of a valued life is always a tragedy and no you never can no. If someone feels suicidal, they won’t wear a sign, they won’t tell you hey you I’m going to kill myself today! Why? Because you will try to stop them, you will spout platitudes and simpering cliches, and they might be okay for a few days but they know that the anxiety and depression WILL come back. There is no cure for it, there is no way to make it go completely away.
Sorry, I get a bit soap boxy about this. I am a firm believer in the right to die. I am the firm believer that people have the right to decide when and how they die. I am a firm believer that if your pain has surpassed your ability to cope, you should have the right to say enough.
I happen to live in a country where this is illegal. They lock you up in the worst way possible for trying and not succeeding or for seeking help when you are trying NOT to kill yourself but feel you need someone to talk to about it. You get into trouble for seeking help when you think you might kill yourself. Tell me if that’s not backwards. Personally since my last experience with mental health I prefer just to find someone yummy and well if you don’t know read my other posts.
This is actually not what this post started out as but it was what it became… As a complete aside I would like to share the cutest thing that I have seen in a long time. It is by the Oatmeal and I highly recommend you check them out. Yes, this is a rare promo and link…
Some of these are things I’ve said and others come from other people but they all basically fit me.
“I am a relatively simple person in a complex set of circumstances.”
“You are so pretty when you are broken”
“I was once asked if I was homicidal and the honest answer was no death is not nearly as pretty as suffering.”
” It feels like sex. It feels like really good, sweaty, animal, oh-good-god-do-that-again sex.”
“An unhappy, smaller-than-should-be-possible ball of Sam.”
“Here we are negotiating like proper psychopaths”
“You think the worst thing is to end up all alone. It’s not, it is ending up with people who make you feel all alone” (robin williams)
And now for those of you who like pretty pictures:
This is one of those nights where every fiber in my body is vibrating and I can think of nothing more fun than sinking to my knees in front of the nearest stranger. Filthy bathrooms in worn out clubs that look almost magical at night but sad and tired during the day. This is the time that I personify dangerous behaviors and need to take my energy, anger, and hatred out doing something fun and yes sucking a stranger off in a random bathroom is fun. It’s power and don’t let anyone ever tell you it isn’t. The way girl or guy looks at you when they know you are in control and that you are making them feel like indescribable incandescent pleasure in such a objectionable place.
There are some things that cannot be replaced by a safe, sane, alternative.
And for those of you who like such things.
There is a point when you realize you are going to die. Not from any disease or from an accident but by your own hand. That point in my life came a long time ago and that is not a bad thing. Some people think it is but the right to die is the only thing that you actually control. I realize that the people around me would be better off without me in their lives and I realize that I will never be a complete functioning person.
People say that there are things to live for but there really isn’t. There is no point to it.
I have read thousands of questions that boil down to one thing, I am in pain, how do I stop it. Search for something like “How do I commit suicide?” or “How do I die?” and you will find hundreds of people asking this question. The truth is those who are thinking about it are suffering. Yes, this is a bad thing and suicide is not the answer to most questions, until it is.
I am not going to say don’t do it, nor am I going to say that is the answer, because it is a personal choice. I have always said that suicide is the solution when the pain out weighs the ability to cope. Unfortunately this happens. It is fact and no one seems to admit that sometimes this is the answer. I am not talking about when you are a teenager and want attention or when your boyfriend breaks up with you, or when someone close to you dies. I am talking about when there is some much pain that you can’t see a way out. When you know that things will only get worse or worse yet stay the same and there is no answer to when it will stop. I am talking about when there is no end in sight and not likely to be one without killing yourself.
How many people have you asked for an answer and the only one that they could give you is that time heals, but time can’t heal something that has always been wrong. If you try things will get better… they say this not knowing how hard you’ve tried or what you have gone through to make it stop.
So sometimes you carver yourself up with a razor or engage in dangerous behavior because it gives you a moment of relief and no one can take that away. That is your choice. No one else’s just as the choice to end your suffering is yours.
Now here most people would tell you it’s okay it will get better or all you have to do is seek help and you will be okay. But it is never okay and it never gets better and every time you try one of their suggestions it only gets worse but you still try. Some say pray to god and he/she/it will help but when you pray there is no answer. When you take their drugs it doesn’t help it just makes you sleepy or angry or worse yet apathetic. When pain is all there is all you want to do is to make it stop.
Unfortunately because of liability I can’t tell you how to die. I wish I could because there are several ways that are very effective but that all depends on how you want to die. All of the people who tell you, you don’t have to and there is something to live for are not living your life. A life that only looks bleak and only gets worse and the only end you can see is misery and then eventual death with no one around and no one who cares because truly most people only care about themselves. They don’t care that you are suffering, they don’t care that you would do anything to stop it or that no matter what it is not going to get better. I am sure there will be people who will say no don’t do it. I have found that these people don’t get it.
They don’t understand that there is nothing that makes it better and very little that doesn’t make it worse. In my opinion you deserve the right to die, you deserve a way to make it stop. We euthanize animals that are in pain and suffering why not people. I don’t understand it anymore than they understand the need to make it stop before something worse than an neat suicide.
There are several things in my life that will only get worse. It will happen and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it will. I will be trapped even more so than I am now. There are options with a little research and perseverance. It only takes a bit of abstract research. For all of those that find this know at least there is one person that understands it and won’t give you platitudes about how it gets better when you talk to someone or that everything will change with this drug or that. It’s a constant struggle that you will go through. They don’t get it because they have never felt it.
I am one of those people who just wants it to stop. I think constantly about a car accident, they happen everyday or a killer that just happens to find me. I have even offered an open invitation to anyone who wants to kill me and do me a favor. Unless you know what that is like don’t give meaningless advice. Chances are if you are serious about dying drugs, therapy, or changes in your life won’t stop you from feeling the darkness. I know this was rambling and ultimately depressing but the fact is there are people out there that are better off dead. I am one of them, not that I am ready yet but I will be soon. People break and there is nothing you can do to stop them.
As always feel free to comment and tell me what you think. I will revisit this subject soon, but tonight I am just too damn tired of those who preach without ever knowing that it is not going to help.
And I leave you with this for those who like it: