Male Masturbation

If the dom is male then and the sub is female, the dom can tell the sub to purchase, make, and use the items on him. This can be fun, exciting, or used as a punishment or humiliation exercise.

If the dom is female and the sub is male, the dom can either use these for a reward or humiliation.

The key here is to use A LOT of lubricant and make absolutely sure there are no rough edges.

These also can be used if you are apart frequently.

  • Wrap a pearl necklace around his penis and then use your hand to masturbate him.
  • Use a lubricated glove or plastic bag on him.
  • Banana masturbation device – cut an end off, take the fruit out and pour lubricant into the peel.
  • PVC pipe – purchase PVC that is above the size of his penis, make sure there are no sharp edges and use it.
  • Cup and sponges – if you like a little roughness, just remember to wet the sponges with either warm or cold water.
  • Cup and bubble wrap – line a cup or cut off water bottle (remember no sharp edges) with bubble wrap and lubricant.

There are more, and if you have any others feel free to comment them below. Also, remember anything that you put a penis into needs to be big enough not to get stuck. Keep in mind penises swell quite a bit. It is unpleasant to have to go to the hospital to remove something. Keep in mind NO SHARP EDGES AND LOTS OF LUBRICANT.

The Chore Game Dice Game

As noted in an earlier post, chores are a pain and not the good kind. This game is suitable for both vanilla and BDSM couples. Vanillas just take out the more umm intense portions of the game and substitute them for an alternative that you are comfortable with. Remember all activities should be safe, sane, consensual and fully discussed ahead of time.

Equipment

  • A messy house, laundry, cooking, or other boring chore.
  • Yourself and a partner
  • One or two die – dice can be 3 to 10 sided depending on how many activities or objects you want to involve.
  • A list of activities
  • A few fun ordinary foods or objects that you want to play with (See Below)
  • A timer
  • Condoms for objects that you don’t want to get dirty (Suggested for items that you do not only use for play)

Rules

The rules of the game are fairly simple.

Keep it safe

If you don’t comply he or she should have a handy list of punishments for BDSM couples. Don’t worry a spanking will do in a pinch.

For vanilla couples make a bet with something that you ordinarily don’t like to do such as cook dinner or do the dishes if you don’t comply.

Instructions

  1. Select objects or foods that are insertable or otherwise make good toys (see perveratables)
  2. and/or
  3. Write a numbered list of activities such as cunnilingus, fellatio, insertion, masturbation, spanking, sex, or any other fun sexy activity you can think of.
  4. Choose who will pick out the activity or object (usually the dominant but it can be fun to have your sub pick out their own)
  5. Choose a time limit for each activity. My suggestion is around 2 to 5 minutes but it can be longer or shorter depending on the activity.
  6. While your sub is working on the given chore, interrupt them at regular intervals but rolling the dice and choosing an object or activity.

Example

For this example, I am going to use sweeping and mopping the floor (a chore which I personally hate and can be so much more fun when the threat (eh-hem promise) of interruption is imminent.

We laid objects such as wooden spoons, spatulas, phallic-shaped fruits or vegetables. For example we had:

  1. Carrot
  2. Cucumber
  3. Spatula
  4. Whisk
  5. Banana
  6. Wooden spoon

We agreed ahead of time that the time would be two minutes and I would have to masturbate with the object that the dice roll indicated in the position that he wanted.

When the roll was a 5 a condom went on an ordinary banana and he asked me to masturbate with it while seated in a chair for two minutes. Then go back to sweeping and mopping until the next interruption.

If you do this with an activity he or she can just ask you to bend over a chair or other object and fuck you for 2 minutes or play with your body for 2 minutes.

Perverted Shopping Activity

This one is easy and can make things like grocery or other shopping fun.
Send your sub to the store with a list of things that you need (or better yet go with them so you can watch them get embarrassed by having to select things for purposes other than their mundane uses. You can find an interesting list on the pervertables section of this site.

The trick with this activity is to build up anticipation for what is going to happen when they get home.

Options

If you go together:

  • Tell them to go get you a specific item and then tell them what you are going to use it on/for later. For example, “Honey can you please get me a cucumber about the size of my penis so I can fuck you with it later.”
  • For a more vanilla option you can pick things out for each other.
  • Pick the items yourself and walk up to them while they looking for something else put it in the cart and whisper to them what you are going to do with it later.
  • Tell them an activity you have planned later such as impact play, sensation play, edging with objects, or restraint play and ask them to pick out a few objects that you can use for the activity.

When they are shopping by themselves:

  • Give them a separate list that is labeled as the pick-up for play later list and have them purchase items on that list.
    • If you are into humiliation, you can have them pay for them separately and have them bagged separately. This is particularly appealing if all of the objects are phallic in nature.
    • If you are into extreme humiliation, you can have them ask for a clerk for each object or ask them to pick out an object to use in the bathroom (just make sure it is clean first or use a condom) This also works for a punishment idea.
  • Ask them to pick out 5 items for the type of play you plan on engaging in.
    • For example 5 items used for impact or 5 items for sensation play
  • Give them a list of types of play such as impact, sensation, restraint and have them pick out an item for each.
  • Tell them to pick out 5 items used for play without telling them a type of play and see what they come home with.

You can use this way of shopping at almost any store. Consider what fun you can have at the grocery store, discount stores, Home Depot, or even larger shopping areas such as malls.

The idea behind this is to build anticipation and follow it through with an enjoyable activity for you both.

What a BDSM Collar Means

Truth is it can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. Like many things with BDSM, every relationship is different. People will tell you that there are different classes or types of collar while others will swear that they are only for slaves.

The only thing that I can tell you is what it means to me. In some cases such as events, it can mean the protection of having someone watching out for you even if they are not in the room. In others such as a day collar it can mean a subtle constant reminder of my love and Dom.

I feel I should explain something here. My engagement ring is a symbol of our relationship aside from the D/s. A day collar symbolizes the D/s side of the relationship. It is important to note that he and I have a promise that even if the D/s side ends for whatever reason, our relationship is safe.

Hopefully my Dom will weigh in on the subject himself.

And so I shall. As my wonderful sub has stated, the collar can mean many different things to many different people. Nearly everyone involved in the BDSM lifestyle has a different take on the subject. That being said, it is my belief that a collar should not be offered lightly. I do not think of it as a fashion accessory or a symbol of station. It is, first and foremost, a promise. It symbolizes the love and responsibility that the Dom wields in regards to their sub.

By collaring a sub, the Dom has accepted that they are solely responsible for the physical, mental, and emotional well-being of their sub. This is regardless of the specific roles in their BDSM relationship. Even if they only utilize a collar for the purpose of doing a scene, or while they are in the bedroom/at home/etc., as long as the collar is being worn, the Dom must ensure the needs of their sub are met.

It is also important to mention that simply removing the collar does not absolve the Dom from these responsibilities. Especially after a scene or punishment when aftercare is definitely required. A collar should never be used as a means to get what you want without repercussions.

-Rikjandi Ulfur

List of Prevertables

Pervertables are ordinary objects used for sexual purposes. Remember to be very careful with porous objects by either using a condom or by purchasing them new and throwing them away afterward.

Instertables

Almost anything may be used as an insertable but use common sense when choosing objects.

  • Avoid glass
  • Nothing with an open-end inserted like a bottle with the cap off
  • Make sure you can clean it thoroughly, get a condom around it and/or throw it away.
  • If you question if an object is safe, don’t use it.

Instertables for vaginal or anal play list:

  • Utensils with handles
  • Phallic-shaped veggies such as carrots, cucumbers, zucchini, and bananas
  • Nonphallic-shaped objects that have no sharp edges and are small enough not to cause tearing.
  • Ball bearings,
  • Balls
  • Links of chain
  • Jewelry
  • Panties
  • Pens
  • Pencils
  • Hairbrushes
  • Toothbrushes
  • Mirrors with handles
  • Candles
  • Just about anything with a handle

Impact Play

  • Hairbrushes
  • Chainlinks
  • Whisks
  • Rope
  • Belts
  • Drum sticks
  • Backscratchers
  • Wooden spoons
  • Spatulas
  • Other broad utensils
  • Longer toy squids
  • Crops and whips used on horses
  • Coat hangers
  • Rubber bands

Restraints

  • Rope
  • Chain
  • Pantyhose
  • Stockings
  • Scarves
  • Ties
  • Zipties
  • Electrical cord or extension cords
  • Robe belts
  • Regular belts
  • Shirt sleeves
  • Their own clothing pulled down to trap their arms or legs
  • Halters, bridles, or other tack used in horseback riding
  • Carabiners
  • Eye hooks
  • Pet collars and leashes
  • Bungee cords

Clamps

  • Chopsticks
  • Clothespins
  • Roach clips – these can be painful
  • C-clamps or bar clamps
  • Spoons or utensils
  • Rubber bands

Gags

You can use quite a few things as a gag. Be careful of things that can choke a person and metal. You don’t want to use things as a gag are too hard because it can damage your teeth.

  • Any cloth that is not small enough to fall into the back of the throat
  • Rubber balls
  • Rubber horse bits
  • Strips of leather
  • Scarves
  • Robe ties
  • Vegetables and fruits that are big enough to bite into but small enough to fit between the teeth – make sure you are careful with these because they can quickly become choking hazards.

As a side note, you don’t have to cover their mouth or make sure they can’t speak. Having them hold something in their mouth such as an ice cube or something small enough to swallow, without swallowing it or between their teeth or lips is quite effective.

Sensation Play

Like gags, there is a lot to work with here. You can use just about anything that produces a sensation. Some of our favorite non-sex toy items are:

  • Ice cubes
  • Popsicles (make sure they don’t have sugar or anything else that can cause an infection unless you are using them in the mouth)
  • Brushes or anything with bristles
  • Paintbrushes or rollers
  • Back scratchers
  • Fruits and vegetables
  • Meat shredders
  • Banjo picks
  • Anything metal that holds warm or cold sensations
  • Skewers
  • Beeswax candles (wax play – be careful what kind of candles and how you use them as well as where you use them
  • Sponges
  • Steel wool
  • Rolling pins
  • Forks, butter knives, and spoons – particularly if they can be heated or cooled
  • Gloves latex or leather
  • Fur items
  • Feathers
  • Dusters
  • Hand brooms
  • Bathgloves – great for bathing and sensation play
  • Luffas

These are just a few of the items useful in a variety of forms of play. Remember to be safe and be creative. Make sure you thoroughly clean items before and after play. You should also cover any porous or food with a condom.

If you have any other suggestions or something that has worked for you I am always open to additions to this list. Please feel free to comment them, thanks!

BDSM reward ideas for when we are together or apart.

Although it isn’t common knowledge, my Dom and I spend a lot of time apart. Circumstances force us to conduct a long-distance and in-person lifestyle relationship. Since I am not a straight-up submissive it was important that we built rewards into our scenes and play. Some people say that being submissive and serving your Dom is reward itself but this can cause some resentment particularly when he doesn’t have the time to play with me as often as we would like or we are on different sides of the state.

We came up with the idea of rewards to not only make play more fun but to help me feel wanted, needed, and cared for when he is busy. This list is a work in progress so check back often. If you have any reward ideas of your own, we are always open to comments and suggestions.

Possible Rewards

  1. Escape 1 punishment without any repercussions. Need a token or something to mark this
  2. Removal of 1 rule of your choice for 24 hours.
  3. 1 sushi dinner/lunch prepared by me. *He is an excellent chef and great at sushi
  4. 1 specially crafted dessert, made from scratch, to your liking.
  5. You may request up to 3 orgasms at any time, delivered by me, for 24 hours.
  6. You may demand the fulfillment of any 1 scene you want to do.
  7. You may demand specific photos or videos of me, for your enjoyment.
  8. Playing Diablo or other games together *Diablo is a favorite activity that can be played together when we are apart.
  9. Audio book downloadable – don’t pay full price there are services and sales where they are really cheap or pick one out from the library for you to download.
  10. Reading to you, while we are together or apart over the phone.
  11. Giving you a bath
  12. Brushing your hair
  13. Painting your nails
  14. Dinner together out while on the phone when we are apart.

BDSM punishment Ideas for When You are Together

This is a handy list of punishments that my Dom and I use when we are together. Remember to go over the list of punishment activities before any rule or scene to make sure that you agree on them. Just because it is a punishment does not mean that it is not consensual.

A quick word before the list – Punishments are not necessarily meant to be fun, although a lot of these are, to me at least. I cannot stress this enough. The idea of punishment should be something that is agreed upon in ADVANCE. A Dom should never just come up with a punishment out of the blue without first talking to his or her sub. This list is something that UR and I came up will long before we ever got into a situation where punishment might be required.

We also have the understanding that either of us can request a punishment after making it clear we are doing it for fun rather than as an office punishment (as I said I enjoy most of these so it isn’t unusual for one to come up in our scenes without there being an infraction.)

Also, we have clearly defined rules which we’ve worked out. The punishments are listed from mild to severe.

Punishment:

  1. Spanking, flogging, etc. depending on the infraction

Mild:

  1. Naked chores
  2. No underwear in public
  3. Wearing lingerie in public or lingerie showing in some non-obvious fashion
  4. Driving and having to masturbate you or masturbate myself at traffic lights etc
  5. Learn something I find boring

Moderate:

  1. Naked chores with collar/lead or bondage
  2. Holding something inside of me for a length of time
  3. Stand, sit, or kneel in a certain pose that you enjoy for a given period.
  4. Make me cum in my panties and wear them throughout dinner
  5. Clothing partially removed in car while we are driving possibly not a punishment
  6. Naked front of window clothed or unclothed for a time
  7. Serve you dinner in the nude or feed you in the nude
  8. Nipple clamps in public

Severe:

  1. Disallow speaking when in public or for a given length of time unless spoken to unless significant need exists (ie I need to speak with you about there being a problem or the house is on fire)
  2. Wearing toys in public
  3. Sleeping with a vibrator in or hands bound
  4. Writing a word or phrase on me to be worn for a given length of time or until it fades
  5. Ice between layers of clothing until it melts
  6. Cum in panties and give panties to you after dinner or event

Quick Tips for Making Cleaning the House More Fun and Sexy!

Do you love doing laundry or cleaning your bathrooms? No, we didn’t think so. Not many people jump out of bed thinking great I get to vacuum the house today!

For those of you that want your standard tips on making housecleaning or chores fun, this probably isn’t the article for you. This is more for the sexy and fun way to do chores with a bit of sex and BDSM thrown in.

Like all of my activities, I will try to add vanilla and practical tips as often as I can.

  • Naked Cleaning – Wear an apron for the particularly messy ones.
  • Household Chores for Rewards or Punishments – Each of you write down rewards and punishments for completing chores. When you complete one pick out a reward, don’t want to do one? Pick out a punishment. You would be amazed how well this works for the chores you don’t want to do.
  • Dress-up cleaning – break out the maid’s outfit or that sexy clubwear that is in the back of your closet, remember don’t wear anything underneath.
  • Co-ed Naked Cooking – Aprons are required! You don’t want to heat things up in the wrong way.
  • The Chore Dice Game – see our BDSM and Sexy Games page.
  • Chore Card Game – see games page to find out how to play
  • Spice up sweeping or vaccuuming with your Dom standing behind you with a paddle
  • Naked gardening – gardening naked is a very freeing experience (just be sure to do it where your neighbors can’t see you) Added benefit – your clothes won’t get all dirty.
  • Give your partner permission to stop you and take advantage of you at any time while you are doing your housework.

Any chore can be made sexy if you wear lingerie or simply a nice bra and panties while doing it. Housework does not have to be boring!


Anything Butt – Anal Training Experiment

Update: We tried this and aside from a few missteps it was absolutely amazing.

This is a task or scene for any BDSM couple interested in anal and anal play. It is also an excellent vanilla exercise (just remove the bonds) for anyone interested in anal training and play. Make sure to discuss this activity with your sub or partner first. If they agree, this is a great way to gauge interest and explore anal play.

If your sub or partner becomes uncomfortable, uses a safeword, or is in distress, STOP. LISTEN. You may have to soothe some fears or comfort them. You should not be upset if you need to stop or scrap the exercise entirely. This happens and it may be something you can table and explore further later but it can be overly stimulating or your sub or partner may just not like it.

If you are the submissive or bottom partner, then do not be afraid to say your safeword.

This is not the time to push limits or to punish your sub, it is a time to explore your sub or partner’s desire to engage in anal play.

I am kind of excited to try this one and will be adding a follow-up once we have. RU (my dominant) may also have something to add to it on all counts. I will make note of things to add in or leave out if you want this to be a bit more vanilla.

First and foremost, make sure this is safe, sane, and consensual play! I will be using sub but if you are doing this with a vanilla partner just replace sub with partner.

You do not have to follow this exactly, the important thing is to read the whole thing through before you try it and most of all…
HAVE FUN WITH IT – you can modify it to your play style and desires just as long as you stay within the confines of safe, sane,

Things you need

LUBE – the kind that is safe for the toys you play with – DO NOT FORGET THIS!!!!

Note: LUBE and you don’t want to use anything that will numb the area and prevent them from feeling if something is wrong. A lot of people recommend using a numbing lube but this is dangerous, pain is a way to tell you if something is wrong.

Things You May Want

Anal cleansing kit (for clean play)
Your favorite ties and anchors (rope, silk, leather, whatever you like)
Pillows (for propping up and better access)
Vibrator or Dildo (Female)
Cockring or Dildo (Male)
Small Anal Toy
Medium Anal Toy (only if your sub or partner is used to a medium toy)
Sensation Play Items (This can be anything from hands to floggers to feathers)

What to Do

  1. Have your sub clean themselves (or you can clean them) with the anal cleansing kit if your sub’s agreeable you might want them to shave as well.
  2. You can insert a dildo, cock ring, or vibrator now or wait until you have them positioned, or simply use your hands for stimulation.
  3. Position your sub on their stomach with their hands and legs bound. Use a pillow or three under your subs stomach to make sure the area you want is exposed for you
  4. Edge your sub or partner at least two times to make sure they are nice and ready
  5. Check with your sub, check the bonds
  6. Start on the outside using sensation play items, although you can do this for however long you want, I would suggest not more than 10 minutes. Take cues from your sub or partner to see when they are ready to move on. If your sub starts lo lose interest before the 10 minutes you might want to consider a shorter time between edgings
  7. Check with your sub check their bonds
  8. Edge your sub at least two more times. Don’t forget to excite yourself as well all throughout this process.
  9. Move towards the inside not touching the anus continue with sensation play items but softer, these tissues are very sensitive and can be easily damaged. If your sub is new do not use any form of impact play here. Again take cues from your sub to make sure they are comfortable with things and not for more than 10 minutes. Make sure your sub is not ticklish while you are doing this.
  10. Check with your sub, if bound do a circulation check.
  11. Edge your sub again at least two more times, don’t forget yourself as well. add lube
  12. Move to the anus and use your fingers to gently play with the opening.Take cues from your sub but do not do this too long. Your sub can get sore or you can scrape your sub with a fingernail creating an unpleasant experience for everyone.
  13. Here you can edge your sub and play with their anus gradually increasing pressure without full penetration.
  14. Check with your sub before inserting anything! If bound check circulation. add lube
  15. Use a lube applicator or your fingers to work lube into your sub not just around the outside of the anus. Do this very slowly. If you think you are using too much lube double it. You ultimately want to be able to insert your finger or small toy into your sub with little resistance. If you think it is too much lube add more.
  16. This is where you are going to need to get creative and watch your sub carefully. Once they are comfortable with the object or your finger, start to move slowly and carefully. You might want to make sure your sub stays excited by masturbating them if you can, or you can use a vibrator, dildo, or another favorite device.
  17. Check your sub and check circulation add lube
  18. You can let them cum with just a toy inserted or you can move onto a bigger toy or your penis (if you have one) ONLY if you’ve discussed this before you started.
  19. After you both are satisfied or if your sub has asked you to stop, be sure to gently clean up your sub and provide any aftercare necessary.

Notes

  • You can cum at any point during this exercise but you always want to make sure your sub cums at the end of this. You do after all have them spread out for your viewing pleasure. Remember the point of this is make anal play pleasurable and therefore exciting for both of you.
  • It is extremely important that short of the person on the receiving end wanting to stop you follow this all the way through. You do not want this to be in any way a negative experience for the person receiving this. This exercise is designed to help increase interest in anal sex and make it a fun activity for BOTH of you. Stopping can cause a negative emotional reaction that may discourage anal play in the future.
  • This will work no matter what kind of couple you are as long as you are both interested in anal sex.

Variations:

What is Sexual Dominance?

According to the dictionary, dominance is defined as power and influence over others. It would then follow that sexual dominance is power and influence over others through the use of sex, but this misses the mark by a wide margin.

This may leave you asking yourself what it is, then. Unfortunately, there is no simple answer. In legal terms, it is forcing someone to do something sexually through threat or administration of physical violence, or the use of psychological, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse to achieve psychological control over another person.

Clinically, it is a sexual deviance wherein the person displaying these traits satisfies psychological drives towards narcissism, sadism, and sexual gratification through the use of coercive tactics over another person. All of these definitions, though technically correct, paint sexual dominance in a very negative light and reflect the fact that there is still so much that is misunderstood about it.

All of that being said, I will explain what I think sexual dominance is. Sexual dominance is exerting control over another person for sexual gratification. However, there is the caveat that the person under control wants to be there. Like all things sexual between people, there is a give and take.

As a sexual dominant, I take pleasure from you by controlling you in some fashion, but you must also take pleasure in being controlled. Otherwise, it is just abuse. At all times, and particularly in any form of sexual activity, it is essential that actions taken are safe, sane, and consensual. Sexual dominance involves the dominant person taking/doing what they want, sexually, while the other participant enjoys the opposite side of the dynamic.

It is entirely possible that this only creates more questions for you, and that is not a bad thing at all. Feel free to ask me anything. I will do my level best to explain. Or, do your own research.

There is a bounty of information on the subject available on the internet, though it may be difficult to find at times. If this is a subject that interests you, explore all facets of it. And, most importantly, have fun with it in a safe, sane, and consensual manner.